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  1. #1
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    Default Help a loser get a girl

    Hi all,

    I'm 26, Caucasian, live in Montreal, male, and socially inept. I'm not too ugly, was scrawny for most of my life but getting a little soft. Quite tall and very intelligent. I'm shy and have no social life.

    I want to change things. I don't have any friends. Never really did, partly because I am very quiet and partly because of circumstances. See, my dad is an expat so I would never stay at the same school more than a year. This constant shuffling I think affected my social development as I never got a chance to be close with people and was always the shy new kid. I missed out my college years because I had to transfer campus 3 times, meaning any one I knew for a year from my classes would be lost. None of this really bothered me because I was focused on school and thought smart people just don't have fun. It turns out this was a gross over generalization, and some of the most competent people I know have had a lot of fun in their younger years. They did trips, frats, drugs, and girls.

    What I really want is a girl. 26 my friends, and I have not dated once. Getting laid would be good too, I see the videos and it looks like a lot of fun. Back in college this hot girl invited me into her apartment in what I think was an attempt at seduction. I just sat there, not making eye contact, and talked about family. I honestly didn't know what to do. I still don't. I've practiced talking with girls at work a bit, they are older but I'm getting better and sounding less like a weirdo / creep. I think I need a circle of friends for a foundation because nobody wants to be with a loner. My friday nights consist of me sitting alone and reading or browsing the web.

    I'm actually not anxious around people. I guess I don't make eye contact, but I am working on that. I just have zero experience. I don't know what to do, where to go to meet people. I'm always alone at the movies and whatever. I don't know what to talk about or how to make friends or meet women. I need a crash course in human relations. I am a quick learner, I hope that will come in handy. I'm not totally oblivious, in that I can read the more obvious signs people give me. It's just ignorance.

    Please help me, and take if from the basics. I don't want to spend any more Friday nights alone.

  2. #2
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    If you as intelligent as you say,I would strongly suggest looking into Cognitive Behavoiral Therapy.Doing so would help you become less introverted and you would recognize what you are doing wrong and learn how to implement fitting behavior.From what you posted,you certainly have been conditioned into a faulty existence,for lack of a better description,and you will need guidance on resetting your mind.

    Looking for advice on how to meet girls and so on via a mesage board is not the way to go about making a profound change in your life.

    Good luck.
    Pile of data cannot be equated to the irrefutable truth, no more than a mountain of shit can be scaled to bring one closer to enlightenment.

    No bro-science at Purus because we heart Pubmed and all its peer reviewed studies just too damn much to cheat you with overblown hype.

  3. #3
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    Work on your attitude and behavior. Don go to every girl keeping in mind that you will have the girl. Always keep in mind that the girl also has some views. Don try to push don try to show up. Just be you. Every girl is not for everyone. You will find your girl eventually. But be yourself and try to understand the person in front of you. then proceed. these are my suggestions.

  4. #4
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    1. Hire a high-end professional to show you the ropes. When you've already experienced sex, and know it's just a phone call away, all the pressure and awkwardness will disappear from your interactions with potential mates.

    2. Find a hobby. Get good at it. Do it in a social setting. You will meet women with the same interests, and they'll get to see you shine in your element.

    3. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Actually, this should be #1. Get yourself in shape, and make sure you look presentable at all times. Clean your damn apartment, too. You have to go out expecting that someone's coming back home with you.

    4. Enjoy yourself!

    Cheers

    [EDIT] Also, how the hell do you refer to yourself as a loser? Do whatever it takes to change that mindset ASAP.
    Last edited by Flint Ironstag; September 18th, 2012 at 03:56 PM. Reason: afterthought...

  5. #5
    Senior Member Monique Seibel's Avatar
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    To me is sounds like you might struggle with some social anxiety issues. I say this as someone who has a social anxiety disorder. Therefore, you might want to consider trying to find a support group. I know it sounds it a little out there, but it really helps. It will also allow you to meet some people who are also quite shy and not judgmental. They will also be there to help guide you and be a source of support while you try and put yourself out there.

  6. #6
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    Find some activities you enjoy doing and start there. It's easier to interact with people when you are in your comfort zone doing something you enjoy. It feels more natural.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Brittany Hartos's Avatar
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    I would suggest making some friends first. If you are friends with a girl that you like I think it would be easier to build a relationship that is more than friends. If you have nowhere to really make friends, you could always go to a club and other social places around you. Act super confident even if you don't feel like it. Start making the first move to ask girls out. Girls like being asked out lol.

  8. #8
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    Glad some ladies weighed in, but I can't help but think that you're over-analyzing this. Cut your hair (or not), take a fucking shower, be productive, have some fun, and go out in public. You can't help but meet a woman.

    No?

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flint Ironstag View Post
    1. Hire a high-end professional to show you the ropes. When you've already experienced sex, and know it's just a phone call away, all the pressure and awkwardness will disappear from your interactions with potential mates.

    2. Find a hobby. Get good at it. Do it in a social setting. You will meet women with the same interests, and they'll get to see you shine in your element.

    3. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Actually, this should be #1. Get yourself in shape, and make sure you look presentable at all times. Clean your damn apartment, too. You have to go out expecting that someone's coming back home with you.

    4. Enjoy yourself!

    Cheers

    [EDIT] Also, how the hell do you refer to yourself as a loser? Do whatever it takes to change that mindset ASAP.
    Number one is kind of an overkill I believe. Not saying it won't be useful, but I don't think its really necessary. It might actually add to his feeling that he's a "loser".

    I do like the hobby advice however. I would add to that by saying do some voluntary work. Its on of the best ways to be in contact with more people. Get out of your comfort zone.

  10. #10
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    You definitely need better self esteem, which will come when you are comfortable around women. Hobbies are great! Church, car racing, cooking classes, whatever you enjoy. You will meet people who have similar interests.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Monique Seibel's Avatar
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    I think all those things are part of the equation but not all of it. If you aren't confident in who you are, I think it is difficult to attract someone. In the long run, it is difficult to find someone who is actually good for you. I find insecure people tend to settle for less than they deserve or they always question why there girlfriend or boyfriend is with them. If he is just looking to casually date some women and gain some experience than maybe I am over-analyzing it.

  12. #12
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    Go to a gym. Get in shape. Get a new wardrobe if you don't like yours. This will get your confidence up. Treat the women like you are talking to just another guy, it is really no big deal. Women are just like us men. Make some friends that are women and move on from there. Good luck!

  13. #13
    Member deansaliba's Avatar
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    I used to be very antisocial and incredibly awkward with the opposite sex, the thing that really helped me was getting my butt out as much as possible and making friends online, without blowing my own trumpet I am a bit of a ladies man now.

  14. #14
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    Oh! Definitely make sure your hygiene is up to par. Do you have a neat appearance? I don't think it should be that hard try to find some people who share your same interests and go out with them just to have fun. Sometimes, our body languages says more than we do, are you giving body language that makes you look approachable? or do you have the "don't bother me" expression on your face?

  15. #15
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    Have you tried online dating? It might be easier to "talk" to someone before having to meet them.

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    I agree with TABL. You could try to get to know the person a little bit online. That would make it much easier to find things to talk about when you do eventually meet them.

  17. #17
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    You don't sound like a loser, just a very shy guy. Continue befriending your female workmates, even though they're older. Doing that would make you comfortable around girls, plus they might have younger friends/nieces/cousins whom they could introduce to you.

  18. #18
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    If you REALLY want the girls to like you, I suggest you to GO TO THE GYM. Exercise daily because not only does it benefit your body, it also helps your mind develop making you LESS shy and MORE MANLY. Also, try to go to your local clubs and INTERACT. Being alone is never fun so try your best to MEET new people and talk with them more often. Just don't be shy!

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    Have you made any changes? How are you doing?

  20. #20
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    First and foremost, stop referring to yourself as a "loser." That's not helping your self-esteem at all, and that is what you need a heavy dose of to be successful with the ladies. Familiarize yourself with Toastmasters Organization, and if there's one in Montreal, join as soon as possible. Toastmasters is an organization that helps people get over their fear of public speaking. Before you say you have no problem speaking in front of people, let me tell you that Toastmasters is much more than that. It will give you so much confidence, you will improve your ability to think on your feet and to speak spontaneously in ANY setting or situation.

    Also, join a bowling league, it's a great way to socialize, to meet people, and just like Toastmasters, it's inexpensive to join.

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